Pink Flamingo Frappucino

I'm blogging again.

2008-06-11T15:09:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I get really bored at work and need something to do. When I get bored at work I usually do one of three things:
1) Check my email
2) Check facebook
3) Obsessively browse ebay

The bottom line is, I need a new hobby, because my current ones are pretty lame. Tonight I'm stuck at work til 11-something PM because of a late show that I'm producing, and I'm already pretty much out of things to do, which sucks because it's only 3:12PM right now.
I don't really know what I'm going to blog about. Maybe the weather, maybe my hatred of fat people, maybe music or art or photography. Who knows. But I think this is a good time to start up the good ol' blog again. And I'm going to email all my friends to let them know that I've started resumed my blogging, because that way maybe I'll feel some sort of pressure to actually write if I know someone is reading my stuff.
So yeah.
Right now I'm in the process of apartment hunting. I hate apartment hunting. I just want to find a place to live already and call it quits. Tomorrow at 9am I'm looking at one place, and this weekend Jeremie and I are going to drive around and see what we can find, but I really have no aim or purpose in this search other than to find something cheap that isn't dingy or in Allison Hill. And I need to find it by the end of the month. It would be really nice if this place I look at tomorrow is adequate and I can just say "I'll take it" and be done with the whole thing. But I'm not sure if things will work out that simply, because it doesn't seem like simplicity has been a trait of my life as of late.

A New Post.

2008-03-31T21:12:00.002-04:00

It's been months and months since I've written an entry here, but tonight I'm in the mood to write something so here is my current internal monologue, in numbered list format, which is a personal favorite of mine.

1. I have a really great boyfriend.
2. I'm sick and I don't want to be.
3. There is this one KFC commercial that royally annoys me.
4. I still need to do my taxes.
5. I'm watching wrestling as I'm typing this and I hate JBL.
6. I'm voting for Obama.
7. When I'm sick, I have the weirdest dreams. Like yesterday when I was napping and I had this dream where I had to go back to college and take a course in Spelling because I had somehow forgotten to attend it while I was a student and they had retroactively taken my diploma away because of it.
8. I am addicted to lolcats.

Can you still feel the butterflies?

2007-09-20T10:49:00.000-04:00

For years I've had this...problem...where I've never been able to get into Jimmy Eat World's album Clarity. I've listened to it during good times, bad times, indifferent times, you name it, but it's never had any relevance to me. Until now. I was talking to a coworker and he mentioned listening to it while driving. So I did.
And O-M-Fucking-G, it suddenly all made sense.
So yeah, after all these years, I've finally discovered the secret to Clarity. I have to listen to it while driving through a city at night. Daytime doesn't work, backroads don't work, it has to be a city at night. But hot damn, it's fucking awesome if I listen to it then.
See, I have this thing about cities at night. I think there's something very poetic and almost magical about them; something I can't really put into words. But somehow this album embodies those feelings for me, and I kinda love it.

Idiot Driver Report

2007-09-20T10:46:00.000-04:00

A word to the wise.
If you are a slow-moving oversized vehicle towing some bizarre piece of farm equipment behind you, it's usually not a good idea to drive in the left lane of a highway.
It's also usually not a good idea to come to a complete standstill while rubbernecking to check out an accident on the opposite side of a highway that in no way, shape, or form affects you, but does manage to effectively tie up all traffic waiting patiently behind you for the next twenty minutes.
I'm not bitter. Not bitter at all.

In other news...

2007-09-18T10:36:00.000-04:00

Some coworkers and I are starting a band, and we have a show at Conewago Coffee on October 26th. We'll prolly play in Harrisburg a few times before that, but if you are interested in the Conewago event, let me know and I'll give you all the juicy details.

Idiot Driver Report

2007-09-18T10:29:00.000-04:00

So I've decided to start a regular feature on my blog called the Idiot Driver Report. In this feature, I shall vent and describe in detail the exploits of some of the stupid people I've encountered on the road in recent days.
In this, the first installment, I shall focus on a certain car that was in front of me on Sunday afternoon while I was driving to Etown to have Chinese with Steph.
This particular vehicle was driving along merrily when suddenly out of nowhere the man started braking, then put on his left turn signal, chugged along for a few feet until he passed what was the only left turnoff for at least another mile, then proceeded to wildly swerve over to the right side of the road, with his left signal still on, and park there, where he remained, left turn signal still flashing, until I could no longer see him.
Can you say "moron much"?

New Jimmy Eat World

2007-09-16T10:09:00.000-04:00

So Jimmy Eat World is coming out with a new album in October. This is exciting for me because I'm permanently in love with the band. Ironically, the first single from the album is called Big Casino, which is funny because Go Big Casino was the name of one of Jimmy Eat World's early incarnations. Tee hee!

If you give a kid a sticker...

2007-09-16T07:51:00.000-04:00

Whenever I work Mix remotes, I give out stickers to all the kids. What never ceases to amaze me about this is the fact that the kids never seem to know what to do with them. I hand out the stickers and the kids just kind of look at them, shoot me vacant stares, and shift them from hand to hand. I mean, seriously, is it really THAT difficult to figure out that if I give you a sticker you're supposed to put it on your shirt or something?
Obviously it is, because recently I've taken to actually telling the kids what to do with the stickers when I hand them out.
What is our world coming to, seriously?

I'm back! Again!

2007-09-13T21:23:00.000-04:00

So I've decided to start blogging again. I'm sitting here at my computer after a day of virtually nonstop activity and no sleep, watching Dodgeball and going to bed the second it's over.
I've had quite some interesting adventures today, beginning at 4am...but more on them in my next post, when I'm a bit more lucid.
Oh man, I've been spacing out all day from sheer exhaustion, walking around in circles and constantly forgetting what I'm doing. But it was all worth it.
Peace out, til next time.

On the issue of Senior Seminar.

2007-02-27T00:41:00.000-05:00

Right now I'm supposed to be working on it and I'm not.

I'm back!

2007-02-13T14:04:00.000-05:00

Yes, that's right. I'm back with a vengeance and a purpose, that purpose being to bitch about shitty music and promote the music that I like.
It's snowing and my hands are cold.
I'll write more later.

Random Thoughts from a Board Operating Music Snob

2006-09-24T07:10:00.000-04:00

Iam so sick of FM97. They play it in the bathroom all day every day and I hate it because the station plays about ten songs over and over all day long, and I only like two of them. I really don't understand people's music tastes. The bottom line is that they don't have any. They listen to some chick chant the words "London Bridge" over and over again and call it a hit song. They hear Paris Hilton and have the nerve to call her an "artist." They turn on the TV and watch some girl gyrate and throw herself at the camera and call it a music video. They listen to Simple Plan and call it punk rock. They listen to Taking Back Sunday and call it underground music. Then they hear an oldies tune and have the nerve to call it stupid.
What is wrong with today's culture?
People have no taste.

I am such a simpleton.

2006-09-20T20:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday night I saw a skunk outside the library. It was just kinda sniffing around behind Alpha Hall and I watched it for five minutes or so and got a picture of him. I don't think he liked the flash very much, though, because he looked right at me and lifted his tail and I made a beeline for Myer so that he wouldn't spray me. Then when I got back to my room I sat on the floor and laughed for about ten minutes straight. I really don't know why it was so funny, but he was so cute and fat and puffy and roly-poly that he made my night and I wanted to pick him up and give him a hug. I didn't, though.

Random Thoughts from a Board Operator

2006-09-10T08:27:00.000-04:00

It's actually like 8:30 right now, but don't worry, I'm still board operating. I just didn't start til 8 this morning. Hopefully this will be a permanent change, because it would be really nice if I could keep starting at this later time and get a bit of extra sleep. So last night Ashley and I did a Walmizzle run to buy some mums and ended up planting them in my front yard at like 10pm when it was pitch dark. Good times, good times. I love Ashley. She has no fucking neck and she calls me a slut, but she still makes me smile. *swoon* Oh Rocky Horror, how I love thee and thy awesomeness.
So my new semi-hobby has been figuring out what songs are played on different commercials. It all started with that awesome piano and violin piece that plays on the Depression Hurts commercial. I went online and was so excited to find out who played it so that I could go straight to iTunes and give it a download, but after a little research I was depressed to find out that the tune was actually commissioned by Eli Lilly (the drug company) just for the commercials. See, now THAT is clever advertising. Usually drug commercials are really stupid and show arthritic women working in their Martha Stewart gardens, allergy sufferers frolicking in fields of wildflowers, or elderly men with ED running along the beach hand-in-hand with their lovestricken, sexually satisfied, and equally elderly wives.
But the depression commercial is different. Instead of associating Lunesta with a stupid green butterfly that sprinkles fairy dust on sleep-deprived middle-agers, the commercial sells itself on that awesome song. Clever advertising if I ever saw it.
Oh damn, I am such a comm major.

A celebration of the Downfall of Vincent and a lament on the Creation of the Mini-Feed

2006-09-08T01:06:00.000-04:00

Facebook is totally creeping me out these days. This new mini-feed feature scares the hell out of me because now people can see every little thing that I do on facebook. Next thing they're going to use some special software to uncover my credit history, social security number, and bra size and post all that stuff too. The sky's the limit, it seems. If it weren't for the Apple Students group that gives me 25 free iTunes a week, I would just quit facebook altogether.
On a completely different note, I am SO GLAD that Vincent got kicked off Project Runway. That man annoyed the hell out of me and he should have been kicked out on the very first episode when he gave his model that ridiculous hat.

Random Thoughts from a super-tired board operator

2006-08-27T06:41:00.000-04:00

So yeah, I'm tired today. I'm playing with design stuff this morning, which I found on mandarindesign.com, which is a great site for learning how to do cool blog effects. I didn't write this code, I'm too lazy. I just copied and pasted it and changed the text to fit my mood, which right now is tired as hell.

...I amoh-so-patiently waiting for my Turkey Hill Dark Roast coffee to wakeme up...

There's a really weird song on the radio right now and this girl is singing about her brother smoking pot and it kinda makes me smile. Probably because I'm tired more than because it's actually funny. I am oh-so-patiently waiting for my Turkey Hill Dark Roast coffee with cinnamon hazelnut creamer to finally kick in and wake me up. Right now I'm in a total haze and I really have no idea what's going on. Seriously, if the building were to catch on fire and burn down around me I'd probably be so oblivious that I'd just sit here and continue typing until the computer itself went up in flames, at which point I'd finally realize that something was wrong and I'd climb out the window and stare blankly at the blaze wondering what was going on.
But let's hope that nothing like that happens, knock on wood, because that wouldn't be cool.
I think that at some point your body gets to the point where it is so exhausted that even excessive amounts of caffeine can't make it kick into gear. I've been sleep-deprived for so long that I think I'm getting to that point.

It'snothing short ofamazinghow much my life has changed in justtwo weeks

Life seems so much different these days. I mean, it's nothing short of amazing how much my life has changed in just two weeks. Two weeks ago I was miserable beyond belief, stuck in a situation that I absolutely hated and not sure how I was going to get through this year. I wouldn't say by any stretch of the imagination that my life has completely turned around, but it's warped enough recently that I've actually been able to deal. Last night I had a dream that I was still in the band and we were playing a show. I've had several dreams like that recently. I don't know what to make of them, but last night I was trapped in a glass tank the whole time and I couldn't get out and I felt isolated and like everyone was having more fun than me. When I woke up, I realized that that's kind of the way I was feeling towards the end. I was the odd one out, I was the psycho bitch, I was the one with all the problems. At least that's how everyone else saw it.

The one thingin life thatkills meis when people don'ttell me the truth

Now the people who used to be some of my closest friends have completely left my life, partially because they think I'm a nut job and partially because I just need to distance myself from them in order to save my own sanity. I was sick of being mistreated, and now I found out that I was being lied to for months as well, which hurt me like nothing else in the world. The one thing in life that kills me more than anything else in the world is when people don't tell me the truth, even if the truth hurts. I don't like having things hidden from me. I'm the kind of person who needs to see the needle go into my arm when I get a shot and who wants the honest truth when I ask if I look stupid in a certain outfit. Yet people continue to take the easy way out and feed me lies and half-truths. For a while that realization completely controlled my life, but now I'm letting go. As Robin said the other night, it's their own loss for losing me as a friend. I love Robin, he's the coolest Campus Security guy ever and I feel honored to have him as my Professor of Life.
I need to move on with my life and find friends who treat me nicely and are honest. That's what I love about my high school friends. Like Tara, for instance. She's the most brutally honest person I know and I love her for it. Some people get offended by that kind of bluntness, but I appreciate it like nothing else. I dunno, maybe it's because I'm a brutally honest person myself and I tell people things that they don't want to hear. It gets me in trouble, but at least I'm able to sleep at night knowing that I'm not being dishonest.
Do I miss the way things used to be? Yes, I'm not going to lie. I miss a lot of stuff and I get frustrated with how unfairly things have turned out in every aspect of my life. But at the same time I know that better days are ahead. I mean, once you've hit the bottom there's really no place to go but up. And that's what I'm counting on. Once I get through this year I can go wherever I want and start over without any of the baggage that's accumulated over the course of my college career. That's the light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Even if I never find anotherband I'll never lose the ability tomake music myself

Nine months, that's all I've got left. That's a manageable number in my mind.
And even if I never find another band, I'll never lose the ability to make music by myself. I've written a bunch of songs these past two weeks and some of them are pretty damn good. There's a baby grand piano in Myer and as soon as I get off my lazy ass and tune it I'll be able to play it as much as I want. Piano has always been the best form of therapy for me. And Myer's piano even has ivory keys. Anyone who knows me knows that I need ivory keys on a piano in order to play my best. I dunno, they just feel so much better, even though hundreds of elephants probably died half a century ago in order to make them. I love that our piano at home has ivory keys. They feel so smooth and my fingers can move across them with incredible ease.
The coffee still hasn't kicked in, unfortunately. I don't think it's going to at this point, either. At least it tasted good, though.

Random lyrics from a board operator

2006-08-20T06:36:00.000-04:00

Normy left a comment on my last entry that made me think of an old Good Charlotte song that I had completely forgotten about. So this morning I went to typogenerator.com, which by the way is like the coolest freaking site EVER in the history of the universe, and made this little sign thingy with some of the lyrics.
I always liked the song because it's a perfectly-crafted bubblegum pop punk song and even though it has virtually no musical value it's so damn contagious that you can't help but love it.
I remember the days back in high school when I would put this song on repeat and shout along with the lyrics, but at the time they had no real value to me. Now all of a sudden the whole song seems to make sense with my life, and I haven't been able to get it out of my head for almost the last 12 hours. And believe it or not, that's a good thing.
As I was moving into my new room in Myer I was organizing my CDs and realized that I have so many albums that I never listen to anymore. I think it's time to pull them all out again and give them another listen, if for no other purpose than for their nostalgic value. I mean, when was the last time that I really listened to Nimrod or Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness? I mean, those are good CDs that I had completely forgotten about. I think that this evening as I'm making my door tags I'm going to put on some Smashing Pumpkins and think back to the days before my life went haywire. I think I need to do that. I mean, I'm not saying I'm going to become one of those kids who pretends to be twelve again and reverts to childhood behaviors as a result of tragedy, but I am saying that music has had such a profound influence on my life that listening to some old songs just might help.
Every part of my life, every major (and minor) event, has some sort of theme song or soundtrack to it. I guess it's because I'm such a music freak, I dunno. But no matter what the reason is, I've learned over the years that whenever my life gets really out of control I just start listening to music that reminds me of better days and it really speeds up the healing process of whatever went wrong.
For instance, listening to Hanson will always take me back to middle school when Vanessa and I would sit on my side porch late at night when everyone was asleep and belt Hanson tunes at the top of our lungs. We were happy as could be, and I guess it's classical conditioning or something, but because of that association whenever I hear a Hanson tune no matter how I'm feeling I can't help but break out into a grin and start singing along.
Listening to Incubus will always remind me of Joanne and the time we went to their Philly show as a birthday present and got beer spilled on us from some drunks on the balcony above us and stunk of pot and we wore our matching purses and Care Bears shirts and Brandon Boyd looked right at Joanne.
Jimmy Eat World's Bleed American album reminds me of the summer I spent during high school cleaning our basement and blaring The Middle as loudly as possible.
Good Charlotte's The Young and the Hopeless will always make me think of Pittsburgh, and Shania Twain and Yellowcard have very strong associations with long car rides to my Grandma's house.
Yellowcard also reminds me of Boston, because it was like the only CD I listened to while I was there.
Zebrahead will always bring back fond memories of my car rides to Philly with my dad during the Hawks' INCREDIBLE 2003-2004 season.
Frank Sinatra and the Moulin Rouge soundtrack are what we listened to in the pub room while putting together Loophole.
The Beatles were practically the Cougar Chronicle's house band senior year, and Ben Folds also holds some fond memories.
Everclear, Third Eye Blind, the Romeo+Juliet soundtrack, and Bush will forever remind me of my seventh grade year at Londonderry school, before Greg Boyd went psycho and tried to stab me to death in the girls' bathroom and I had to withdraw.
Les Miserables and every other broadway musical reminds me of my theater years and car rides to and from Harrisburg with Greta.
And the list goes on, but I'll stop boring everyone. I'm writing this entry more for myself than for anyone else.
I can't wait to be done here and go to church and then go back to sleep for a little while before training starts this afternoon. I had a horrible night's sleep last night and I am completely exhausted and need to lay down. A little earlier I was so tempted just to fall asleep right here at the board, but I didn't because with my luck I would've pressed a button that took the station off the air or something like that while I was dozing and disaster would have ensued and in all probability this would be the last time I ever wrote an installment of Random Thoughts from a Board Operator because I would be fired.
So yeah, I need to get back to my bed and lay down. I can't wait til next week when the on-campus mass starts, because it's at 6:15pm, which is SO much nicer than having to wake up in the morning and go to church. That means I can go right back to bed after I finish work here. I can't wait for that.
I just realized that I haven't written anything here in a week. That's okay, though, because I had so much to sort through in the past few days that no one would've wanted to read through my ramblings anyway because it would probably want to make them suicidal or something. But I think I'm doing better now. Better than I was doing at this time last week, at least.
It's so weird how witnessing something horrible can help you heal. Last Tuesday at 3:15 in the morning I watched a car explode. As I watched the flames morph into a morbid display of fireworks it hit me that if I had gotten back to Myer ten minutes earlier I would've been parked right there and it could've been my car that got destroyed.
I finally got to bed around 5am, and for the first time in eight months I fell asleep with a genuine feeling of inner peace because I finally realized that my life could always be worse and that maybe God really is watching over me after all.
I've wanted so many things recently, hoping and praying all year that something would turn around and I'd be able to find happiness and get my life back in order. But I've finally realized that the things I wanted the most were the things that were actually hurting me the most. Kate Broido once told me that the best way to make God laugh is to tell him about your future plans. I think she's right.
It's like the old Rolling Stones song. You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you'll find you get what you need. They may have been strung out on drugs when they wrote the song, but they really had the right idea.

Why I quit.

2006-08-13T06:24:00.000-04:00

So I quit the band. I don't know whether it was the right decision or not, but what's done is done and I can't go back.
I was completely mean to someone on Friday night and I've never done that before. I've always tried to be nice to everyone and be understanding despite what people do to me, but that night I got to the point where I just snapped over everything and couldn't take it anymore.
So that's why I quit. I'm a loser and can't deal with my problems. Friday's disaster of a show was just the final straw, and I realized that night that the band would be much better off without the stress I caused with all of my issues and hostilities. I had so many gripes to settle and no effective method left of getting through them, so I bowed out before I had another chance to be as mean as I was that night.
That's it. That's all the explanation that I have. My family just moved 13 hours away and I have no clue when I'm going to see any of them again, everything is falling apart with my friends, my major is killing me, and I don't know whether I'm coming or going at any point in time. I spent my summer living at Etown but driving back and forth from home every day to help my family move and to feed my cats while they were running back and forth between PA and Georgia for weeks at a time. I got into too many battles this summer, never got enough sleep, and now that my family is completely gone and I'm technically homeless I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know how long it will take me to build myself back up again, but I'm really going to try. I wish there was some way that I could be an auxiliary member of the band and just play on recordings or whatever until I work through my life, but I don't think that's possible anymore.
So I'm done with cleanfall and that's the end.

To quit or not to quit...

2006-08-10T14:12:00.000-04:00

That is the question, and I don't have an answer.
All I know is that I haven't been happy in a long time, and if I keep doing this I don't know that it's going to make my situation any better.
Stupidness.

I'll actually write something this time.

2006-08-07T11:02:00.000-04:00

So here I am after a long and work-filled weekend, sitting at my computer and typing away about I don't even know what. I have some important decisions to make this week, and I don't really know where to start. I guess that once again it all really boils down to the debate over whether to do what will make other people happy or what will really make me happy. For the first time in my life, I've actually started to do some stuff just for myself, you know, stuff to make ME happy without worrying about what the rest of the world thinks. I've realized that I really don't care what people's opinions are of me because in a year I'll be out of here anyway and to tell the truth I don't really want to look back. I know that college is supposed to be the best time of your life, but for me it really hasn't been, especially this past year. Everything in my life that could've turned completely upside down did and now I just want this stage of my life to be over so that I can get away from the people who have treated me like shit and start on a new page with no connections to these past few years.
I know, I probably sound like one of those typical angst-ridden kids right now and if I were to actually read a blog entry like the one I'm writing I would probably want to throw sharp objects at the author, but there's only like 2.5 people who read this anyway so it's not like I'm actually causing anyone severe pain.
I'm not a quitter, but right now I'm at the point where I'm about ready to give up on something I used to love because there's one person that I simply can't work with. I'm usually a very forgiving human being, but once in a while someone comes along who hurts you so badly that you just can't turn the other cheek, and that's the situation I'm in right now. For once in my life I can't just make myself forgive and forget. Hell, I don't even want to; I think it's a matter of principle. It's not right for a friendship to only be on one person's terms, and I'm not going to come back like some sort of wounded dog just because someone decides that now it's okay to talk to me. I'm done, I'm angry, and I want to call the shots this time.
That's all.

Title.

2006-08-04T09:10:00.000-04:00

I swear that the hair on my legs has gotten longer in the past half hour that I've been sitting at my computer. This is so confusing.

Random Thoughts from a Board Operator...part deux

2006-07-30T07:06:00.000-04:00

So yesterday I was in the ER b/c I passed out, and while I was in the waiting area this kid came in with Mardi Gras beads stuck in his ear. I'm sorry, but how on earth do you get beads stuck in your ear? I was so confused. I'm still confused, actually. Man, never underestimate the stupidity of the human race.
The shit's going to start hitting the fan on Tuesday (of course it would have to be Tuesday) but I'm trying to mentally prepare myself so that I can deal with it, at least to some extent. I'm trying to numb myself. As long as I'm actually playing instruments I should be fine. My old violin teacher told me that I go autistic when I play and I completely agree with him. When I am actively playing a musical instrument I go into my own little world and kind of block out all of humanity because I'm so wrapped up in what I'm doing. Seriously, the building could come crashing down around me while I was playing and I might not notice until I finished the song. So that is good. It's the times when I'm not playing that I'm going to have trouble, because I'll get that itching under my skin and get lightheaded and panicky and just want to leave.
Maybe I'll become a cloistered nun when I graduate. That way I'll have an excuse not to have to see and talk to the people I don't like. Or I could fake my own death and create a new identity and move far away...like to Georgia with my family. I could meet a nice southern gentlemanly guy who doesn't have antisocial tendencies or affection phobia and who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated and we can live happily ever after. Someone with a marketable future, like a nice young doctor from my dad's hospital. I'll ask him to hook me up.
I should look up the media market size and ranking number of Columbus to see if it's a potentially good place to get a job. Or I could go to Atlanta, which I know has potential.
Or I could just stay up here and get a bunch of plastic surgery and legally change my name so that no one will recognize me and I can live out the rest of my days in precious anonymity away from the worthless people who annoy me.
Oh man, I'm so tired. I need to go back to bed.
The angry emails are still coming, and they are just getting more and more irrational and accusatory. I must admit, before this summer I never realized just what kind of intellectually limited company I've been in for the past year. It's kind of funny, actually. I dunno, I guess I just find humor in the stupidity of other people, especially the ones who think they're smart.
The thing is, despite all of the shit that's happened this summer, I'm actually kind of happy. Not in a joyful way, but more in the amused sense of the word. Like, amused that certain people can actually exist and even more amused that they think they're worthwhile human beings. I've realized what a lot of people are really like in these past few months, and it's kind of nice to know that for once I'm not the crazy one and that these other fools are actually the ones with the social issues.
I've realized that eventually there will be justice and these people will get what they deserve. Then I'll laugh and it'll be funny.
Oh man, I'm hungry right now but I don't want to eat the Zebra Cakes I have because I don't want sugar, I want salt. I have been so sick this summer and I just need to sleep. I can't wait til my cardiology appointment on the 9th because my body is hitting rock bottom and just falling apart and I'm not going to be able to make it through a school year when I'm feeling like this, and I have the hand tremors again.
Excuse me whle I fall asleep. Just kidding.

Me as a South Park character.

2006-07-29T12:16:00.000-04:00

I think this pretty much describes me, don't you think? Oh man, I was laughing so hard as I was making this. Pretty much the best thing ever. I don't think I'm going to be a lawyer anymore. Too much studying and I'm too ADD to ever get through law school. Maybe I'll just be one of those people who writes angry letters to the newspaper all the time. That would be fun.
Or I could get on the radio and voice my opinions on air and have irate listeners call in and thrive on that kind of controversy. Of course my opinions would be informed and stuff, as they always are, so I could cite real facts to back them up. And I wouldn't need any additional degrees in order to do that. Yeah, that's more up my alley. Be a shock jock or something.
I like the 13 on this shirt because it's my favorite number, and I can't think of anything else to write now because I'm thirsty and need more Gatorade.
Oooh, I know what I have to say! Everyone should try berry-flavored Gatorade Rain because it's soooo good. It's like not super-flavored, but it just has a tinge of berry in it. Not like the flavored water or anything messed up like that, but more like just...perfect, I dunno. Try it and leave a comment to let me know what you think. It'll make my day, I promise.
Oooh, and thanks for all the comments people have left. I feel so loved!
Okay, now I really do need Gatorade.
Fare thee well.

You have no idea how much I love this.

2006-07-26T09:15:00.000-04:00

Recently I've seriously thought about becoming a lawyer. I've realized that I really enjoy arguing and making myself heard in order to defend innocent people. I've started to thrive on confrontation, and I think that being a lawyer would be a good way of channeling that need. I'm done forever with my days of being passive and nonconfrontational. From now on I'm going to speak my mind and make myself heard because I have a lot of good ideas, whether people like to hear them or not. I'm smarter than most of the people around me, I'm a fast thinker, and unlike so many people I know, I'm articulate in writing and have a thorough understanding of English grammar. So I think I might take a year off after graduation and then go to law school. I'll talk to my mom about it. She's a lawyer and would know how I would do. Gosh, I really am turning into my mom. But that's not a bad thing. :)

This is me, tee hee...

2006-07-24T19:30:00.000-04:00

Stalkers not welcome.

2006-07-24T18:59:00.000-04:00

Seriously.

Random Thoughts from a Board Operator...

2006-07-23T06:41:00.000-04:00

So here I am at six-something am on a Sunday morning, doing my board operating gig at 105.7 the X. I'm kinda bored sitting here in a radio station all by myself, soI'm thinking that from now on I'm going to do a weekly post on Sunday mornings called "Random Thoughts from a Board Operator." If you don't like it, deal with it.
I only got like 4 or so hours of sleep last night, so I'm kinda running on caffeine this morning. Thank God for Turkey Hill's Coffee Central. It's completely my own fault, though. I wasn't tired because I took a 2.5-ish hour nap in the early evening and had the most random dream ever. Well, maybe it wasn't random since this is kinda always on my mind to some extent, but still kinda weird. I really shouldn't be writing about this because if it lands in the wrong hands I could literally end up dead, but I think this is a safe forum to discuss it because my neighbors don't know about this blog.
My crazy psychotic neighbor killed her husband and buried him in the backyard. Well, we don't know if it was her or her promiscuous daughter's derelict boyfriend and his druggie friends, but someone in the house killed him and he is buried in the backyard. Everyone in our neighborhood knows this, but everyone is afraid to come forward and talk about it because the slut daughter has two kids and we don't want them to end up in the foster care system if something happens to the neighbor, who takes care of them because the slut is incompetent at life. So it's all for the sake of the kids. Still, it really creeps me out that he's buried there and I wish I could do something. Also, it would ruin the retail value of our house, which is the last thing we need when we're trying to sell the place.
But yeah, my dream. I had a dream that the slut's derelict boyfriend was keeping ferrets in the backyard right next to the makeshift grave and was starving them and abusing them and attempting to feed them to the neighborhood cats. And he was making a huge scene about this while we were having an open house and was scaring all of the potential buyers away. So naturally I had to go outside and stop him, which I did in the strangest way ever. He got really drunk and fell asleep in a Rubbermaid box, so I closed the lid and shook it really hard and scared him to death and he was cursing and screaming in pain, so I threw the box off the top of the three-story ferret palace cage thingy, which he had stolen from our basement, and broke a lot of his bones and he couldn't move. Then I put the ferrets in a bag and brought them back to school with me and everything was okay again.
Strange dream. And I really don't know why I shared it here.
But yeah, I kinda want to do something about my neighbor's dead husband. He deserves to have a real grave, not just a little pile of dirt over him right in the middle of a garden. I've been tossing around different ways of tipping off the cops, everything from calling the state police and giving an anonymous tip to fully identifying myself and testifying in court and the whole nine yards. It's sad that I'm the only non-pansy in the neighborhood who isn't afraid to stand up to the people who live next door to me and I'm only 21 years old. Well, other than my mom, who said she would support me, but she's too busy to do it by herself.
Spineless losers piss me off.
I've had a lot of weird dreams recently. Just the other night I had one where Lou Fiorilla asked me if I wanted to go to church with him on Sunday and have a drunken joyride home. I told him I would be a designated driver, but he told me that that would take the fun out of it and that there's nothing wrong with a little drinking and driving every so often.
The sad thing about that is that I could actually see him doing something like that because he's such a little loser. As I told Normy the other day, he's fuscular. He should be castrated.
Thank God. The Bare Escentuals informercial is finally over. There was this commercial for some sort of makeup that had this lady talking about how awesome this product was as a bunch of middleaged women stood at mirrors all around her applying excessive amounts of makeup. The whole time she was talking, all I could focus on were these ladies with big cheesy smiles obessively powdering their faces or putting on blush or eyeshadow or whatever for like three minutes straight until I started waiting for the moment when the whole makeup job would just fall off in one big cake. They probably cut away from the shot like five seconds before that actually happened.
There's this life-size Faith Hill cutout thingy right as you walk into the country station here and every time I enter the room I swear I think there's a person there. It's kind of funny.
Now it's really sunny outside. I woke up this morning and it was dark outside. It's always strange to wake up before the sun. If I wake up at like 6:30 am, when the sun is already up, I'll be tired during the day later. But if I wake up at 4 or 5 am when it's still dark, I'll be good for the whole day. Maybe it's a psychological thing; knowing that I was up before the sun kind of gives me a feeling of invincibility that keeps me going on adrenaline all day.
Tonight I am going to a Shakespeare play in Lancaster with Val. That should be fun. I had a nice convo with Val yesterday, about the whole Young Center fiasco as well as just about life and stuff. It was nice. I like talking to Val because she's fun. In the fall we are going to make stir-frys in her apartment, random comment.
So my roomies went to Victoria's Secret last night without me. Granted I was on duty and couldn't leave the building, but still...it's Victoria's Secret. I swear we're all addicted to that store. The other day I was there and got one of those awesome little PINK dogs because it was free with my purchase. It pretty much made my day and I walked around with this big dumb grin on my face the whole rest of the time we were in the mall. I'm so simple.
Like last night when Sarah brought this soccer yoyo thingy back from the Reading Rage game. It was so much fun and I played with it for like 20 minutes until I got thirsty and needed a glass of water. When Vicky saw me she said to Sarah, "See, I told you that would keep her amused."
Yeah, that's me. Super simple and very easily amused. No wonder they call me their child.
But I've gotta say, life is so much more fun when you enjoy the simple things in life, like pretty clouds outside or a good quote or a pen that writes nicely. Yeah, maybe I'm immature, but at least I'm having fun.
Okay, I think that's all for now. Maybe I'll make an addendum later.

Justice makes me smile.

2006-07-21T17:32:00.000-04:00

I'm glad that David Eller finally got caught for his creepiness. Teddy Long said something in his Special Presidential Notice Thingy about how we should all keep him in our prayers. I say screw that; there are much better things to pray about than the well-being of a perv. Pervs should rot in hell.
That's all I can think of for now. Maybe I'll write more later.

Masquerade...

2006-07-20T15:25:00.000-04:00

I hate when I have to pretend that I'm excited about things that I really don't give two shits about, and I've had to do that a lot recently. Less than a month from now, I'll be stuck in some sort of sick charade, pretending to be enthusiastic about seeing people that I secretly hate and putting on a happy face while retching on the inside. I'm sick of the people who have fucked me over during Junior year and think that everything is fine now, because it's not. I'm more pissed than ever, and if I have to spend one more minute hanging around with them and feigning cheerfulness I'm probably going to end up throwing sharp objects around the room. Trust me, Diana throwing sharp objects is not good because I have no aim and will probably end up accidentally dismembering someone.
I can't wait to be done with college and to get out into the real world far away from this pseudo-reality that everyone else seems to love so much. Etown is far too much like high school for my liking.
The thing that sickens me the most about college is that the people who think they know the most are usually the stupidest of them all. They think they have all this insight into the world because they're rare and beautiful flowers when in fact their over-confidence only makes them close-minded and annoying to be around.
I don't really know anything about myself. I don't know what I want out of life, I'm horribly socially awkward, and I have a special aptitude for attracting social deviants as friends and acquaintances. But I know that at this stage in my life, it wouldn't be worth trying to go on some sort of quest for self-realization because as soon as I'm out of college everything will change anyway and in five years I'll be a completely different person than I am now.
I am the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.
So is everyone else my age, they just don't know it.
And so next month I'll be headed back into a world of artificial friendliness, working with a group of grammatically challenged fools and cocky losers and pretending to be enjoying my senior year.
But such is my life. I'll get through it.

A second entry...maybe this means something.

2006-07-18T17:07:00.000-04:00

So I'm back.
I just found out that my brother got into a car accident today. Luckily he was okay and so was his car, but according to my mom it was a one-car accident. My brother just kind of spaced out or got too confident and randomly swerved off the road and into a ditch. By the grace of God my mom was able to get the car out of the ditch and some nice people at a nearby gas station helped her pump air back into the tires and my brother was able to get to his class, but it was quite an ordeal. What can I say, my brother is gifted.

I told her to tell him that maybe this is a lesson to him in learning to be careful while driving. He's a maniac on the road, a point best illustrated by the following conversation between me and his roommate while I was visiting him in Florida over Easter break:

Me: Do you want shotgun?
Ryan: No, that's okay.
Me: Are you sure? Because I honestly don't mind.
Ryan: If you don't mind, then I would prefer the back seat. It's further from the windshield.

Don't get me wrong, I love my brother to death, but the boy simply cannot drive. He has a cute new car, and it's just a matter of time before he throws away my parents' money and totals it. I hope he learns from this experience, I really do.

I've decided that I enjoy a good conflict every now and then. It keeps life interesting and it makes me feel good to know that I'm doing the right thing. I've also decided that I love everything Beethoven ever wrote for the piano and am determined to learn it all before I die. Hopefully I live to a ripe old age because I think it's going to take me a while. He was a pretty prolific composer and his stuff isn't exactly the kind of thing you learn in ten minutes. Unless your name is Brent Pertusio, but let's pretend that doesn't count.

Yeah, I think that's all for now.

Here I go again...

2006-07-16T06:57:00.000-04:00

So I am once again starting a blog. I officially hate xanga, that's a fact. I'm getting to the age now that I no longer want to post my random thoughts on a server that is populated primarily by angst-ridden middle and high schoolers who desperately try to look cool and assert their hormone-crazed identities by using as many expletives as possible while bragging about their little boyfriends and moping about having to work a whole four hours in a row at McDonald's. I don't need to deal with that anymore.
So here I am. On Blogger. Stalkers are not welcome.

This past week I spent a lot of time with my mom. I love my mom. She's the one person that I can tell absolutely everything to. She truly loves and cares about me and has my best interests at heart, and I am eternally grateful for her. Like the other day I was feeling super dejected and lonely and I talked to her and she told me to always remember that even though most of the people I know are losers, I mean the world to her, and that made me feel special.
I like my mom because she is always there for me. She's not a spineless loser who will randomly dump me one day without an explanation. She's not a hormonal self-righteous bitch who thinks she knows everything. She's not a psychologically abusive freak of nature or a clingy self-centered manipulator or a nosy asshole with anger management issues and she won't suddenly stop talking to me because she suddenly decides that I've outlived my usefulness and moves on to another victim to continue her viscious cycle. She's an intelligent woman with a good heart and I'm glad to have her as a mom. A lot of my personality and mannerisms come from my mom. I'm not a girly girl, I relate well with adults, I'm a spontaneous thinker, I'm pretty thin, I'm musical, I'm good with words, and I keep a healthy sense of cynicism. Pretty much all of my good qualities. Sometimes I don't think my mom realizes how cool she is. She sells herself short and worries a lot about stuff and I'd love for her to sit back and just realize how awesome she really is. Because she is awesome. She's had a lot of hard knocks in her life. Hard knocks can either kill you or make you stronger, and she has definitely done the latter. She's overcome a lot to get where she is, and I admire her. I think my life is shitty, but if I look at some of the stuff that happened to her, my life seems peachy. I'm going to miss my mom when my family moves to Georgia. Recently she has pretty much been my sanity.

On a completely different note, I am in desperate need of coffee and I wish it was snowing.
That's all.